Home
LiveJournal for jessikhaos221.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (Jessi Khaos).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Thursday, March 13th, 2008

Subject:So, this is where my life has taken me.. To fucking living hell
Time:1:06 pm.
Mood: depressed.
I haven't posted in a while, haven't really had to need to write or anything for a while my life was great, no drama no nothing, granted I didn't have a job but I was making my life work for me.. Now I am fucking hungry and I find myself homeless, I was half tempted to make a youtube asking anyone for money.. I had to sleep in a car for the past two nights, I got kicked out of the place I was staying out and I now I am waiting for housing asstiance to call me back, Im fucking cold and I havent had anything to eat or drink in the past 3 days.

I personally feel like giving up, I have already though of ways I can end my life.. I could O'd HA I have already tried like twice didn't work but thats because I didn't have the right meds to take of it..
I"m to much of a whimp to slit my wrists.

I don't have the will to move on.. this is the lowest I have ever been, I have been low.

Im not heartbroken this time, might as well should be though. I am losing the greatest love I have ever known, myself.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

Subject:Happy New Year and All tha Jazz
Time:6:20 am.
Music:The T.V.
Well another year has gone by, Interesting year wasn't it? I think so. I wrote a little bit in my journal...

I hope this year is a alot better...


I really don't know what to write here. but I'm sure I will this year :p
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

Subject:so its been a while.
Time:6:45 am.
Mood: nostalgic.
Music:rise against.
Forgive me my laptop decided it want to kill itself. So it's December. Wow where has the year gone. So I guess I saw make my famous rant posts I love those.
I bought a sidekick so I am making this post from somewhere in maryland its 6:50 am in the morning, and Donnie is driving and
I'm currently blasting Rise Against, suprised it's not Afi? Me too.
Well anyway normally I like to make end of the year posts or at least a journal entry in my mind. So maybe a year recap. I am that bored. Yes very. Okay so in January
I was with Zack.
Oh god that ended smoothly.
I never did metion him after the valentines day post huh? Well that's because I could care less what happenes to him. He forgot my birthday.
Basically I just never talked to him after May.
That was a good move on my part I guess. He is the one that threw a year away.
He stopped making a effort into the relationship so I started to stop caring.
He never knew I cheated on him. I guess if you call that cheating. I did hook up with Will in feb. I had hickies all over my neck. My goddess how the hell could he be so fucking blind? He will never know now I was going to tell him eventually but no. I won't.
Well jan was very uneventful. The only month that was. So feb. came around and well I was very miserable. I turned 18 and the whole Will thing happened. I blame myself for that.
But to my defense he kissed me. I forgive him for it I guess.
I still talk to him but ehh. It still hurts. March.. Jon went to vegas and our friendship was put a very thin wire. Will broke up with me and I discovered a world of roleplay.. (The sun is up now such a beautful sunrise) April.
I discovered my inner vampire Jade Rose. April 6th. I met my future husband .
Techically I met him the 7th but still I met him. That's when I became a red head. That was fun. Im blonde again. Annnnyyywhoo april was very eventful.
Donnie and I were just getting to know each other. I knew then I wanted to be the only thing in his life that went right.
And for a while I really was. So much saddness in his soul which made me fall deeply maddly in love with him. He had so many secrets that I wanted to know. Granted if I knew then what I know I wouldn't have pushed our relationship so much...but that's later on in my post... my only regret about everything is that
I didn't have the time to find myself again. I love him. And I always will. I wanted to marry him from the moment I met him. He seemed so perfect for me. He was.. For a while. It was a fairy tale. April 19th is when I first told him I loved him.
I should have waited.. Because now the pain of that decison is hurting me. Granted I did but.
There was major secret that he was keeping from me... he already had a fianceè.
I recently just found this out... so my fairy tale posts... that's all it was a fucking fairy tale.
Too late I guess I married him. Im so angry with myself for not waiting..... this whole year has been fucking shiti .
I hate myself for everything that's happened the time at western union both times the first time..... fuck man I had work the next day.... and
I to this day have no idea where that money went to. Im so pissed.... all the nights I worried about him all the nights I cried.
He was in the arms of another girl.... and I was in the heart of another guy...it saddens me to a point to where im confused and I lost myself....
I got so caught up in my fairy tale I lost touch with real life. So if everyone who thinks my life is perfect. My whole life right now is based on a lie.... there I admit it.
I still to this day don't know why donnie moved to maryland... he was with her..
He should have stayed with her..
I saw letters she sent him. I saw letters he sent her. He wanted to marry her.
She was his queen not me. And stupid me I believed his lies.. He was with her until he moved here.... so august.. He was with her until august..
That makes me so angry and everytime I bring it up he pushes the whole Jon thing in my face.. Yeah so fucking what? I didn't fuck the guy, gods know I wanted to.
As im writing this I feel kind of better its been about an hour since I first started this post but now im willing to admit the truth. Maybe I will feel better after
I press the post button or maybe I will always know that here in his truck sits letters from her.. His queen his fianceè.....
granted I'm his wife now. I haven't legally changed my name yet its been a month we got married on halloween and now I know that was the biggest mistake I have ever made..
I wear this ring on my finger knowing that our whole relationship was based on lies and a fairy tale..he was never my prince what made me so special... I fucking wasn't he used to tell me he adored me. I don't belive that anymore...im so tired of him lying to me.. I want out of this... well im tired of typing I will post more sometime later
~Jessi Khaos~
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

Subject:A faerie Tale ending
Time:7:12 pm.
My prince returned to me.



Sorry (if anyone readsmy blogs) that I have been away for so long,


ALOT has happend and Im still quite confused about everything.

I no longer have a home, I rent now.
I quit my job at Godiva, Saturday is my Offical last day.
I do however have a job at Borders Express in the very same mall, I've been working there for about a week now, It's pretty cool some people are cool, its laid back and I am tired of dealing with stuck up rich people its annoying as fuck. Im actally writing this while Im at work. I love having a lap top.

Donnie lives with me now. I do have a ring on my finger. goody :p

Hah.

and yet I hear so many rumors about me and it makes me sad. I mean come on, I hate it when peole have no idea what the the hell they are talking about it really really upsets me.

First of all noone even knew who Donnie was until he moved here, well some people did because I talk about him alot, he's my heart and soul and I wish people could see that, not even my grandmother could see how much he means to me, she said he wasn't allowed at my house anymore and I just said "well then I'm moving out" and I did, in some way I miss my house because well I grew up there, but I'm glad I did move out, I couldn't be myself when I was living at home, Donnie was the push I needed to move out. I do however miss my posters :( I want my DVD's and posters back. My cat came with me too, he's adapting well to the new place, he's taking a liking to Donnie pretty well, I think he's lonely, maybe one day I will buy a black kitten I've always wanted... and I shall name him Draven, like after Eric Draven in The Crow that moive is sweet.

Man I am really bored as I write this, working is not fun.
Anywho I might update soon

Blessed be my friends
~Jessi Warren~
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

Subject:Walking alone again.
Time:11:49 pm.
Is it suppose to hurt this bad?

Where are you? My love .. are you still mine..


Im dying again.


Save me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, July 30th, 2007

Time:8:08 pm.
Where are you? My love..
I sit and wait upon your return.
My heart is breaking.

Tell me you're alright.

please.

I love you.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, June 30th, 2007

Subject:10 piercings hurt man
Time:3:11 pm.
Mood: drained.
It really does sting. I haven't written in a while here. I wonder why.

Well I gradauted.. Wooottt.
I'm missing Donnie alot. He lives in Maryland now, but he lives in Salisbury, and thats long distance when you want to hold someone in your arms.
Last week he just got in his truck and up and moved here. He says he followed his heart.
I love Donnie very much and my heart misses its other half. He thanked me for missing him.
I hope he knows how much he means to me.. I'm in love with him, and I wish to marry him, it really was love at first sight. :)

~Jessi Marie Warren~
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

Time:1:29 pm.
An unhappy letter


Take everything I know and love
And burn them
This story is played out
Why I am so special?
Death doesn’t stop for one person
I do no longer want to breathe
Stop my heart from beating
To feel no pain will help me live
To become so numb to everything
What’s the point of living?
If you take my blade away I will find other way
My scars are with me forever
Upon my heart
Into my soul
I may be smiling on the outside
But inside I am dying
A broken soul
This world is a savage garden
Everyone is bound to this life of despair
Joy and Sorrow go hand and hand
Why not end my suffering
Tonight when you sleep
Remember my face
I’ll kiss thy forehead
And I'll lay down to sleep
If I die before I wake
Keep my soul inside your heart
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, May 15th, 2007

Subject:....
Time:12:31 pm.
Mood: depressed.
The first time I saw this video I cried my eyes out, and it has the same effect today.



Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Monday, May 14th, 2007

Time:12:42 pm.
Mood: dorky.
Music:Random.
Infinite Possibilities
Not The Usual "About Me" Questions
Name?:Jessi
Birthday?:2/21
Astrological Sign?:Pisces
Chinese Zodiac Sign?:Snake
Celtic Zodiac Sign?:I have no idea
What Tarot Card Represents You?:the lovers card
Your Primary Element(s)?:water
Your Secondary Elements(s)?:earth
Do you consider yourself to be something other than human?:yes
If so, what? (Species and Subtype, if any.):Vampire
Do you have any psychic abilities?:yes
If so, what?:I'm empathic
If no, do you wish you did?:
Do you practice Magick?:Yes I'm wiccan
If so, what kinds?:white magick and black magick
If no, why not?:
Relationships and Such
What is your sexual orientation?:Bisexual
If bisexual, do you have any leaning towards one gender or the other?:I like women better
What is your relationship status?:I'm engaged
If single, are you happy?:
Do you have more than one partner?:No
If so, do they know about each other?:hah If I did no they wouldnt know
All About Your Partner(s)
Name(s):Donnie
Birthday(s):12/28
Astrological Sign(s):Capricorn
Chinese Zodiac Sign(s):Um I have no idea,
Celtic Zodiac Sign(s):
Are you in love with this person/ these people?:Yes
Do you want to marry him/her/them?:yes I do
Favorites
Color:Jade
Flower:rose
Tree:weeping willow
Smell:vanilla
Animal (mammal):Cat
Animal (flying):bat
Animal (aquatic):the clown fish
Insect:praying mantis
Season:fall
Kind of Weather:cool
Day of the Week:Friday
Month:October
Holiday:Samhain
Drink (alcoholic):
Drink (non alcoholic):water
Breakfast Food(s):toast
Lunch Food(s):any sandwich
Dinner Foods(s):anything vegetarian
Dessert Food(s):Cookies
Restaurant:Greek
Park:
Thing to do on a date:go to the beach and looking at the moon
Movie:vampire movies
T.V. Show:simpson
Video Game:final fanasty
Website:Yahoo
Solo Musician:umm...
Band:Afi
Song:Wester
Musical Instrument:Drums
Type of Music:Rock
Time of Day:late night
Questions That Require Some Thought
If 'God' were to grant you one favor, what would you ask?:To bring My love home safely
What would you say the most spiritual moment of your life, so far, was?:becoming wiccan
Name the most sacred place you have ever been.:I was in a temple once
Who is the person you know with the freest spirit?:I know a lot
In what way are you the most judgemental?:I'm not that judgemental
Whose absense have you felt most in your life?:My parents
Questions To End The Survey With
What religion, if any, are you?:Wiccan
What is your political affiliation?:liberalist
Are you comfortable being nude?:ha, no
Have you ever had sex with more than one person at once?:no
If so, how many people?:I just say no
Did you enjoy it?:I would imagine I would...
Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys
Bzoink - The Original Survey Site




Long Survey About Yourself
What time are you starting this?:1:03
Name?:Jessi
Nicknames?:jess, jade
Date of birth?:2/21
Sex?:female
Height?:5'2
Eye color?:brown
Where were you born?:maryland
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?:18
Pets?:2 cats
Hair color?:brown/blonde/red
Piercings?:10
Town you live in?:Silver Spring
Favorite foods?:anything vegetarian
Ever been to Africa?:no
Been toilet papering?:no
Love someone so much it made you cry?:yes twice
Been in a car accident?:no
Croutons or bacon bits?:croutons
Favorite day of the week?:friday
Favorite resturant?:vegetable garden
Favorite flower?:rose
Favorite sport to watch?:MMA, UFC
Favorite drink?:water
Favorite ice cream flavor?:cookies and cream
Warner Bros. or Disney?:both
Favorite fast food restuarant?:none
Carpet color in your bedroom?:brown
How many times did you fail your driver's test?:none
Whom did you get your last email from?:the afi board
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?:credit card?
What do you do most often when you are bored?:text people
Most annoying thing to say to me?:lal lal la lllal alll allllll llala
Bedtime?:when i'm sleepy
Favorite TV show?:simpsons
Last person you went out to dinner with?::my grandma
Been out of country?:yes
Believe in magick?:yes, i'm wiccan
Ford or Chevy?:niether
What are you listening to right now?:afi
Have you ever failed a grade?:nope
If you have, what grade did you fail?:....
Do you have a crush on someone?:yes
Do you have a bf/gf?:I do
If so, what is their name?:Donnie
How long have you been together?:A little bit over a month
What are you wearing right now?:jeans and my df shirt
Would you have sex before marriage?:yeah
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?:yes...
Are you a virgin?:define "virgin"
Do you smoke?:nope, but I have
Do you drink?:nope, but I have
Are you ghetto?:fuck no
Are you a player?:I used to be
What are your favorite colors?:jade, red, black, purple
What is your favorite animal?:cat or dragon
Do you have any birthmarks?:yes
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?:nope
Who do you talk to most on the phone?:Jon or Donnie
Have you ever been slapped?:yes
Do you get online a lot?:yes
Are you shy or outgoing?:both
Do you shower?:yes
Do you hate school?:kinda
Do you have a social life?:yes
How easily do you trust people?:not that easy
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?:yes
Would you ever sky dive?:nope
Do you like to dance?:yes
Have you ever been out of state?:yup
Do you like to travel?:yup i do
Have you ever been expelled from school?:no
Have you ever been suspended from school?:nope
Do you want to get out of your hometown?:yes
Are you spoiled?:no
Are you a brat?:no
Have you ever been dumped?:yup
Have you ever gotten high?:yes
Do you like snapple?:I guess
Do you drink a lot of water?:Yes I do
What toothpaste do you use?:vanilla mint
Do you have a cell phone?:yes
Do you have a curfew?:yeah
Who do you look up to?:I dk
Are you a role model?:yes
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?:yes
What name brand do you wear the most?:name brand?
What kind of jewelry do you wear?:silver
What do you want pierced?:my lip
Do you like takin pictures?:sometimes
Do you like gettin your picture taken?:sometimes
Do you have a tan?:no
Do you get annoyed easily?:yes I do
Have you ever started a rumor?:no
Do you have your own phone or phone line?:my own phone
Do you have your own pool?:no
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?:boxers if i was a guy
Do you have any siblings?:yes
Have you ever been played?:yes
Have you ever played anyone?:yes, but I'm not telling who
Do you get along with your parents?:nope
How do you vent your anger?:poetry
Have you ever ran away?:yes
Have you ever been fired from a job?:nope
Do you even have a job?:I do
Do you daydream a lot?:yes
Do you have a lot of ex's?:um 3 guys and 3 girls
Do you run your mouth?:no
What do you want a tattoo of?:a flaming rose
What do you have a tattoo of?:jade dragon
What does your ex bf/gf look like?:dark blond hair with grey eyes
What does your most recent crush look like?:brown eyes with brown eyes
Whats her/his name?:Jon
Have you ever been bitched out?:yes
Are you rude?:sometimes
What was the last compliment you recieved?:Donnie my love, he told me I was beautiful
Do you like getting dirty?:yes
Are you flexiable?:yes
What is your heritage?:Italian
What is your lucky number?:7
What does your hair look like right now?:down and short
Could you ever be a vegetarian?:I am
Describe your looks?:I'ma cute wiccan
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?:I've dyed my hair every color
Would you ever date someone younger than you?:I have and I will never do that again
Would you ever date someone older than you?:I am dating someone older than me
When was the last time you were drunk?:Its been like 3 years
How many rings until you answer the phone?:3 or 4
Have you ever been skinny dipping?:no
If yes, when was the last time?:.. hah
When was the last time you went on a date?:its been a while
Do you look more like your mother or father?:my father
Do you cry a lot?:um no, not really
Do you ever cry to get your way?:I have before to get a good grade
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?:"nice.."
Are you the romantic type?:yes
Have you ever been chased by cops?:nope
What do you like most about your body?:My upper area
What do you like least about your body?:my ears
When did you have your first crush?:I was 14, that was my 1st real crush
When was the last time you threw up?:2 weeks ago
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?:a mixture of both
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?:no
What about cleavage?:yes
Is your best friend a virgin?:depending on which friend your talking about,
Have you ever fucked someone up?:yes I have
Have you ever been fucked up?:nope
What theme does your room have?:Afi
What size show do you wear?:7-8
What is your screen name on AIM?:Jessikhaos221 or Metalchick221
How are you feeling right now?:I miss Donnie but i'm fine thank you
When was the last time you were at a party?:its been a while 5 months
Have you ever given a lapdance?:YES
Have you ever recieved one?:yup
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:tons
What is one of your bad qualilties?:I'm bipolar
What is one of your good qualilties?:I'm caring
Would you marry for money?:nope
What do you drive?:a lancer
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?:daddys girl, but thats irrelvent
So?:HI
Well?:hi
When was the last time you cried in school?:umm I dk
Would you ever hook up with the same sex?:Yes...numrous times.. I'm a slut when it comes to females
What kind of music do you like?:rock
Would you ever bungee jump?:yes
What is your worst fear?:dying alone
Would you ever join the army?:No
Do you like cows?:Yes
If you were to die today, what would you do?:get laid, duh
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?:I love you Donnie
Do you like to party?:yes
Hearts or broken hearts?:both
Moons or stars?:both
Coke or pepsi?:neither
Favorite scent?:vanilla
Favorite band?:Afi
Would you ever dye your hair red?:I have and its red right now
How many languages can you speak?:2
What time are you finishing this?:1:25
Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys
Bzoink - The Original Survey Site
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, May 10th, 2007

Subject:Updated Quizzes
Time:1:39 pm.
Music:Head like a hole- NIN.
1. DO YOU HATE ANY OF YOUR EXES?
I kind of do..
2. WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Umm My despair faction shirt..
3. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S LIST?
Yes 2 of them

4. DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
Not anymore..

5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
more than 6 I know that


6. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT TO HAVE?
I dont know yet


7. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
Nope

8. DO YOU MAKE OVER 40K A YEAR?
I wish

9. WHAT NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE BESIDES THE ONE YOU HAVE?
Jade Rose (its my role play name..)

10. WOULD YOU EVER MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX?
I have...I've had 3 girlfriends.. DER..But yeah I would again..fun times

11. WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER'S NAME?
Umm N/A

12. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BDAY?
I went to school,went to the Mva to get my ID, then to t-mobile got a new phone, sat a a bus stop, went home ate cake, talked to Jon and slept.
13. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
Ready to Fall by Rise Against for my friends
Forever by Papa Roach for Donnie
Killing loneliness By HIM for Jon (I need to change that..)
Miseria Cantare by AFI for everyone else
14. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?

6:00 am
15.WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO?
Sleeping..

16. ARE YOU LUSTING AFTER SOMEONE RIGHT NOW.
No, not really... I was but I ended it
17. DO YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR HAIR PULLED?

Fuck no
18. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT TO DO.
Graduate

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
Been a while..

20. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLINGS? 
Last time I saw her I did


HONESTLY:

21. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?
Ummm being bipolar..

22. IF YOU HAD $250,000...HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
I have no idea anymore
23. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB? 
Since November

24. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO TOM FROM MYSPACE?
No, just blocked him
25. LAST PERSON YOU CALLED?
Donnie
26. LAST THING YOU ATE? 
a cookie :-)


27. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE MONTH(S)?
October.

28. YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MONTH?
May
29. WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM ANYONE?
A skirt

30. WHO IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RIGHT NOW?
Umm. a lot of people actaully

31. MOST VISITED WEBPAGE? 
Yahoomail

32. LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGED?
Most likely Jon

33. LAST PERSON THAT MADE YOU SAD?
Same as above, different reason

34. WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Yeah I would

35. FAVORITE TYPE OF DRINK?
ummm Fruit Drinks
36. FAVORITE FOOD?
Anything vegetarian
37. FAVORITE DESSERT?
ummm banana smooife...

38. HAVE YOU BEEN TO EUROPE?

No..But I would like to
39. IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I don't hate anyone..
40. DO YOU OWN A CAMERA PHONE?
Yup sure does..My nokia I got for my birthday (free by the way)





Is your hair up?: no
Is your phone right beside you?: Yes, I'm looking at it right now
Do you have a bf/ gf?: Yes, yes I do
Do you wish you were somewhere else? yes
Do you have plans for tonight?: Sleeping, and talking to Donnie
Are you wearing chapstick?:yes
Are you cold?: Its quite warm.
Are you tired?: very
Are you excited?: Yes
Are you watching tv?: no
Are you wearing pajamas?: no
Who's the last person you IMed?: Imed.. Jon I believe
Who's the last person that called you? *checks phone* Donnie

PAST

Anything you regret? Fuck yeah
Ever lied?: yes
Ever stuck gum under a desk?: no, thats dirty
Ever spit at someone? yeah
Ever kick something living?: yeah
Ever had your nails done?: yup
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: yeah

LAST WEEK

Had any plans last week?: I worked
Who did you see most last week?: people?
Was last week interesting? It was lonely
TODAY

Have you cussed? yeah
Have you yelled at someone?not yet, but the day is still young
Have you gotten mad at someone? same as above
Have you cried? no
Have you called more than 3 people?: no
Have you IMed more than 3 people?: no
Have you eaten anything gross? no


SPILL YOUR GUTS

Q. First thing you did this morning?: I woke up, and put on my contacts

Q. Last thing you ate?: Umm. Fruit
Q. What's something you look forward to most in the next 6 weeks? Finally graduating
Q. What's annoying you right now? My back hurts

Q. What's the last movie you saw? Interview with a Vampire.. "wait I saw La Bamba" in English..

Q. Do you believe in long distance relationships?: Yes,But Like I said it depends on the people invovled
Q Where is the last place you went?: Work
Q: Who is the last person you called?:  I'm about to call Donnie.
Q: Been cheated on?: yeah

Q: Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? yeah I know so

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity): love
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, May 7th, 2007

Subject:I really can't take anymore
Time:12:59 pm.
Mood: dorky.
Music:Random music- dont ask..
UGHHHH. I really can not wait until i'm out of this hell hole. .


18 days is really too much..

I'm about to go insane. I'm so fucking tired. I had to close on Friday at 10:00 and On Saturday I had to close and on Sunday I had to Open and Close. My sleeping patterns are really screwed up..


Prom is on the 18th and i'm fucking broke. yeah money isnt that important and all that jazz but.. its just sucks not having any money to spend.

I'm really confused on what I want to do next year.
My plans might change... I want to go to college, but I'm not moving to California like I planned earlier this year.

Donnie is moving to Maryland for good so that makes me happy, I'm having separation issues.. . But next month we can see each other all the time :-P that makes me happy. Have I metioned I totally want to marry this guy? hah and he totally wants me marry me. Speaking of.. yeah. I'm too young to think of that kind of stuff, though I'm not going to lie. I always knew I was one of those people that wanted to get married at a young age. I do want a family.
I just had to finish high school first... I love him, so I guess that shouldnt be a problem. But still.. Its only been a month, and with in that month I have totally fallen in love. I never believe in love at first site but now I do.. I might be a fool but whatever.. whatever makes me happy. I've gone through so much heartache, it just felt so good to met another soul like mine.. heh .. ~Vampire Love~




Its so boring right now. I'm just sitting here typing this. I'm so glad that I do know how to type. I'm gotten pretty good at typing fast. Its a hell of alot faster thatn actually writing out the words. See? random spaz I've been having them all day. I just know when I get home i'm checking my messages to see if Donnie is alright.. I miss him so much its very sad. Then I am taking a nap, and if I feel like it i'm going to eat. Then watch the simpsons.

OMG. family guy is awsome.. I used to watch it a long time ago, but I had no sense of humor. I could never take a joke. Yeah alot of times I never got the humor behing that show.. JESSI is being random today.

I got Bri her candy she luffs me for it... heh *giggles* Alot of people like that candy. I tired it, but I decided it wasn't for me. I gave up the candy the same day I got sick....


WOw I havent done these long posts in a hell of a long time. I'm just that bored I'm just typing everything that seems to be coming to my mind.
Its been like a half hour since I started typing this post. I have no idea what point I was trying to make, mainly my posts have no point. Cuz random things dont have a point to make...wait that is making a point.. AAAH. everything I knew is a lir.. type type type..

I AM not stoned. or under any other type of substances. Not even sugar, Im just really tired and I thought this would be the kind of post I could come back to and read and say "umm what was I thining..." and then I could have a nice laugh.


I think I should be wrapping this up now...



17 more days..... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!



I love my Lestat. (Jade + Lestat = Love)
Jade= me
Lestat= Donnie.

Mwaz

Bye Guys

~Jessi~

P.s HI ANDYYYYYYYY!!!!
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Thursday, May 3rd, 2007

Time:1:27 pm.
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007

Subject:For My love
Time:12:37 pm.
Mood: giggly.
Music:The Cure Just like heaven.






Artist: The Cure Lyrics
Song: Just Like Heaven Lyrics
Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream she said
The one that makes me laugh she said
And threw her arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I’ll run away with you
I’ll run away with you
Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
Why are you so far away? she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
That I’m in love with you

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You’re just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, April 30th, 2007

Subject:Finally my sun has returned
Time:12:58 pm.
Mood: indescribable.
Music:Afi.
For those of you that did know me 2years ago consider yourselfs lucky. I was very depressed and I was in 2 heartbreaking relationships. I had more than enough nervous breakdowns than I can count. I wanted to die, I wished to stop breathing. Life was very hard to bare. I felt like noone understood me. I ranted.. alot, though not on here. I had another journal page I used... It was horrible.



I had metioned that my sun lefted me and I could no longer feel the warmth. I had to keep myself warm for the past 2 years. smiling on the outside but feeling so alone on the inside. I had a couple of failed relationships. I tried to love them I really did, but there was something missing from my life. Warmth from another soul..

Then I found him.. A lost soul who was dying and was very cold, his eyes tell the story of a broken heart. I saw he need a bright ray of sunlight in his life. So i became his friend. We talked and I saw much beauty in his soul. I relized then that he was the one I've been searching for, and it turns out he has been searching for me too.
We are together now. He is my sun and I am his moon. Days and nights go by. Its truly a perfect love match. He is my prince, my vampire prince. Dare I say. I love him. I have never met another like him. He's so gentle and kind, but has a mystery about him that he is letting me in on... I have opened his heart and made him smile. I am the keeper of his heart and he is the keeper of mine. Together we shall live in the savage garden, we both know pain. SO together we shall heal each others wounds.He has let me in so quickly because he is in love with me. I promised him the day i met him I will never hurt him.. "I want to be the only thing in your life that goes right" and I am keeping that promise. "Amor Vincit Ominia" -- "love conqurs all" and it truly does. Now there is a reason i can smile. My vampire prince. my love, my beloved
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, April 13th, 2007

Time:1:10 pm.
Music:MSI.






I fucking love this band..


Thanks to Kelly(is being sarcastic..) and Diana for telling me about them
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, April 10th, 2007

Subject:Heyyyyyyy
Time:12:09 pm.
Mood: loved.
Music:Afi/VnV nation -Miss Murder remix.
So whats up???

I met an actual vampire you guys!!!


OH my god...


I'm like in love with this guy...>-<


Oh and I cut my hair




and drew a heartagram






.....I so want to marry this vampire guy..I do know his name but i'm not posting it yet..
I believe my blogs have a curse on them...

He's next to perfect..

He needs warmth in his life and I'm going to give it to him...

Its fate how we met.. but for now we shall see how it plays out :-P





Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

Subject:If you take
Time:12:41 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
Music:afi.
If you take one step towards me again I swear I will burn you.. I am not in a good mood..
No I am not okay..

I made be laughing but i am dying inside..


Once more a journey

I must take



God I hate this pain...

Come to me my gentle friend..take over saddness again
I must be alone once more..
I really do hate being this way..
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, March 15th, 2007

Subject:Meep I am sooooo miserable
Time:11:31 am.
Music:My typing...
Jon is in vegas..and I haven't really talked to him since he has been there..He went for for 2 weeks for his birthday and yeah...I'm guessing he is drinking alot and harassing the hookers..(Thats what he said he would do..) Is quite sad how much I miss him..
I know I shouldnt care cuz well hes isn't the boyfriend..and I have no strings to him at all..
Someone asked me If i was in love with the current boyfriend..I'm not..I don't fall in love that easy anymore..
Plus..well..I don't like being in pain..I don't  know how its going to end up..but Its fun.for now...best friends make the best lovers i guess..


I'm going to tell my family I'm bisexual soon..Its a secret I think they should know..I


Work is lonely without all the seasonals there..I work sundays now and itsssss boring..My nice manager is leaving and i'm sad about that..


And well My life is at a cross roads..I'm really confused..
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, March 12th, 2007

Subject:Poem time!!
Time:12:08 pm.
Music:Like the angel-Rise Against.
Beautiful night


Let me feel your warmth
The greatest taste is your lips, upon mine,
Take my pain away
Hold me in your arms
The greatest touch is yours
Your fingertips touching mine
It’s a beautiful night
I want you to take me away
There is no one else only us
I want this feeling to last forever
Intimate kisses laid upon me
Let me feel you on my body
Lay me down and let us escape
I allow you to take me tonight
The only high we’ll feel tonight is off each other
Heated kisses become so strong
Lock the door so the cold won’t get in
Tonight will be the first time
I’ll never forget the memories of our bodies
As we take each other
As we always wanted
On this beautiful night



~Jessi~
Comments: Add Your Own.

Advertisement

LiveJournal for jessikhaos221.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (Jessi Khaos).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.